chasingthenumnumdragon

Oh my god!  I'm a little nervous to say the least.  Today was my last day at work for two months.  I decided that if I'm going to make this life change, I'm going to darn well give myself time to embrace it without the pressures of a demanding job.

So I have 3 more sleeps until surgery day.  Funny enough I've lost about 5 lbs in the past week.  I've spent a couple of months with a good case of "last supper syndrome." (Pretty much that's when you eat like every meal or snack is your last).  My surgeon was a little dissappointed that I've gained 10 lbs since he last saw me last summer.  Funny, all of that I gained since I got my surgery date in November.  Somehow, the reality of it all hit me last week, and I stopped feeling so hungry.

Hunger, now THAT has got a life of its own.  I remember about 10 years ago I started taking a drug called "Meridia".  It was a weight loss drug, but not the familiar stimulant type most people would think of.  Meridia was similar to antidepressants that worked on neurotransmitters in the brain.  I thought I'd give it a try.  Well, what happened was nothing less than a miracle, albeit short-lived.  I remember waking up one morning after being on this drug for a few weeks, and I knew something had changed.  I couldn't quite understand why, but I felt different.  I woke up that morning without "that" feeling.  The layer of me that chased the num num dragon; That feeling of wanting...n e e d i n g  to eat was gone. Over the next 4 months or so I lost 50 pounds.  Food had stopped consuming me.  I realized the num num dragon that was inside my head was gone. 

I thought that this must be what normal people feel like (you know,the people who don't have the weight issues).  The switch was off and I freakin' loved it.  It made me start looking at obesity, my obesity, in a different way.  I knew it was about more that just being fat and lazy.  Somehow, for whatever reason (genetics, trauma, habit), those neurons in my brain didn't work the same way as other peoples did.  Unfortunately, Meridia's magic didn't last for long.  A year after I started taking it I had gained back my 50 pounds.