bcaba

I attended the first BCABA (BC Association of Bariatric Advocates) Conference here in Victoria this past weekend.  I must say, I was very impressed.  The quality of the speakers, and the information shared was good for both pre-op and post-op (both honeymooners like me, and long term post-op's). 

My favorite speaker, and one that struck a chord with me personally was Dr. Gabor Mate.  He spoke about addiction, not just in the same old way we've heard it all talked about many times, but in terms of brain chemistry.  The drugs of choice for any addict meet powerful needs.  Junk food, I learned, and the act of eating itself released the same chemicals in the brain as opiates do.

People who do not struggle with addiction, or who have never had an issue with obesity just do not get it.  In Dr. Mate's book, "In the Realm of Hungry Ghost's", he talks about the life and death of one of his patients on the downtown east side of Vancouver.  She was an addict who had multiple health problems which ultimately caused her death, but even in the face of all that, and her own knowledge about what her addiction was doing to her, she kept using.  Just like those of us who have an addiction to food, we keep eating. 

What I came away from that workshop with was a little more compassion.  More compassion for myself, and more compassion for others who make choices I just can't comprehend.  Poople are so very judgemental, expecially about obesity.  It's easy to turn a nose up at someone who is 300, 400, or 500 + lbs, look at them with disgust, and think all they need to do is keep their mouth shut, or to put down the fork.  No one really chooses to be obese, it's not a life-long ambition to have difficulty walking, breathing, to get diabetes, to have sleep apnea, to have high-blood pressure, arthritis, and a litany of other co-morbidities.  Society needs to look past what they think is an issue with will-power.  Most obese people have a lot of will-power in my opinion.  I've had a ton of will-power in my life.  The will to keep going in the face of adversity, and discrimination, and ignorance.  The will to lose weight (lot's of it) many times over.  It's the 'stay-power', the 'okay-power' I need help with now.  Weight loss surgery has given me a great "tool" to help me get to my goal, and I hope education and knowledge, self-understanding and self-compassion will help me stay there.

http://www.drgabormate.com/

dontyaknowbaby

I've just realized that I'm getting to that halfway mark.  At 213.5 lbs (just another 15 lbs), I'll be there!

For Canada's obsese, exercise alone isn't going to cut it

For Canada's obsese, exercise alone isn't going to cut it

thewrinklylayer

JHC! (for those of you not from the east coast that's short for  Jesus H. Christ!)

I found a freakin' rib!  It's in there deep, but it's there! 

I wonder what life will be like without all that extra padding?  When the layers peel off, there is always stuff under them that you didn't know was there.  Will it be raw and sore?  Or fresh and new?  I know some of it is going to be puckered and wrinkly - - it already is. 

onmywaytoonederland

Wow...it's been a week.  My weight loss has been pretty steady about 1/2 to 1 lb a day.  Sometimes I go up one, but it's gone the next day.  I've been feeling less hungry in the evening than before.  I think my body is getting used to what I put into it, and the amount that get's put out in energy.  Of which I might add is increasing more and more.  My arthritis is also calming down - seems the Humira is kicking in again!

After my butt healed from the bike seat fiasco, I jumped back on the saddle and did another 10k yesterday.  I added some hilly areas, which was fun going down, but I ended up having to walk the bike back up them - - still good for endurace.

I'm heading off to the http://bcaba.net/events/events.htm Bariatrics and Beyond Conference this weekend here in Victoria.  Put on by the BC Association for Bariatric Advocates.  It should be really interesting since it's more for the lay person than professionals.

Two more pounds until I'm in the 220's.  It feels great!  Can't wait to get to Onederland.

supportgroups

I finally made it to the WSWLS support group.  I've been meaning to go for years, but just never got around to it.  What a great bunch of people.  Lot's of different stories.  Some have been out for years, some just recently like me, and others are still waiting.  

|Boy I feel so grateful that my wait is over and my weight loss is on it's way.

I managed 8k on my little bike jaunt, and had to get home (for shift change).  The only complaint is that the bike seat got lost somewhere between my colon and my appendix.  What is it with those crotch killers? 

goosebiker

Another day, and another pound has dissapeared into the abyss.  I've been having a little bit of trouble remembering to take my supplements.  That isn't much to worry about for a couple of days, but I would like to hopefully stave off losing my hair, and becoming anemic due to my chronic forgetfullness, so I got a big old med reminder container and stuffed all my vitamins in there.  At least I won't be wondering if I took them or not. 

Today, I'm going to attempt to bike the goose.  For those of you who arn't Victorians, the Galloping Goose is a regional trail that runs from Victoria to Sooke.  I used to bike it all the time over 10 years ago, when I weighed about what I do now.  I'll let you know how I make out.  I will be taking my cell phone with my wife's number on speed dial should I need assistance peeling myself out of a ditch.

morningstiffness

Ya know your arthritis is acting up when the morning stiffness lasts for hours.  I have psoriatic arthritis, and it's been the bane of my exsistence for many years.  Fortunately I've been taking this flippin' awesome medication called Humira that makes me feel like a million bucks.  Unfortunately, I had to stop taking it a few weeks before my surgery, and couldn't start it again for 3 weeks after.  Now my remission is remiss.  I'm hoping things will get back to normal in a few weeks.  The worst thing is that I can't take any anti-inflamatories (like ibuprophen, or naproxen).  That's a no no after this type of surgery.

theclimb

I really don't like exercise a whole bunch, yet I do like the benifits of doing it.  It does make me feel good, and I know it will keep me alive a few years longer if I don't kill myself doing something stupid.  Today my daughter and I hiked up Mill Hill.  The last time I did that I was pregnant with my son (now 2 years old).  I didn't quite make it to the top back then, but today I did.  I also made it down in one piece as well.  Which is no easy feat considering the semi wet trail, spring run off making the dirt into mud....and the 45 degree slope in places.  It feels good to be able to physically do that without a great deal of effort.  Thirty pounds does make a difference. 

Last year I did the TC10K in  2:26:39, mind you I did waste 1/2 hour in the bathroom lineup at the halfway mark. I was 4th from being dead last!  This year I would like to complete it in lest than 1:45:00.  That's my goal.  Not unrealistic, it's still a walking pace.  This time however, I'm going to wear a Depends.

yayme

I've lost 30 lbs!  Yay Me!

demons

Eating was difficult for me today. I woke up hungry, and had a half an egg. I drank coffee while I was eating (which is a big no no) I couldn’t finish my egg.


Then I wasn’t hungry. Then I was hungry. I kept going back and forth to the fridge, the kitchen, looking in cupboards. I don’t know what the hell I was really looking for, but whatever it was I ate it for lunch. PJ had sautéed up some veggies in tomato sauce with ground bison. I took a couple of bites from the pan, then I made a slice of toast with PB and sat down to ”slowly” eat my little sandwich. Well, the not drinking while you’re eating rule is there for a friggin’ reason, hey. The 1 cup of skim milk that I had been nursing for the past ½ hour soaked into that toast like a sponge, and whatever room I thought was in my stomach had been pretty much filled by the veggies and bison I ate. It wasn’t pretty people.

I felt gross after that. REALLY gross! Food felt like it was way up in my throat (yes. this is the ugly part), and it is only starting to feel like it is passing through now and that’s 6 hours later. Gross nausea followed, proceeded by a lovely visit to the throne. All this after eating 2 tbsp’s of the sautéed veggie/bison thing, and 1/4 slice of whole wheat toast with about 5 mls of peanut butter on it.

My evening has been consumed by thoughts of food. The kids ate pizza, and the smell was like a drug for me. I hate admitting this, but I really wanted to eat it. Believe me folks, there was a lot of back and forth self talk going on here.

Before the surgery, it wouldn’t have crossed my mind. I would have just eaten it. But I knew I couldn’t eat it. I was still stuffed to the gills, and still feeling discomfort from eating what I did earlier. But it was a big mental battle to let it go. I kept thinking that I needed to get more water in, and to continue sipping.

The eating slow part is difficult for me. I really was a shoveller (sounds pretty I know). Many years ago a few friends and I would joke with each other about our food issues. “Stuff…stuff…stuff' we’d say when asked how one of us was doing. That, was code for "I’m dealing with my issues right now by eating a cheesecake with a 2 litre pepsi"…or what have you!

Today was a really difficult; uncomfortable day around food.

thebulgebudged

Yay!  The scales are no longer in purgatory...

OMG...my face and my weight is plastered all over papers from Ontario to Victoria.  A little unnerving seeing how this was a very private personal journey to start with.  Yet I chose to participate willingly, and just like this blog it makes my journey more real and a way for me to be more accountable to myself.  If I'm every going to get beyond the layers and see what's underneath, it's much more difficult to do that with my head stuck in the sand.

Here is a link to the story:

http://www.timescolonist.com/health/Exercise+alone+doesn/2649284/story.html

gainfrustrations

I've been warned that there will be stalls during the weight loss process after this surgery, but it sure pisses me off that it's happened to me just 3 weeks out.  I've been stuck at the same weight for over a week now.  Today I stepped on the scale and had a 2 lb GAIN!  WTF?   I've stepped up my physical activity and am working on getting my 64 oz of water in a day.  I know it will probably pick up again soon, but it is frustrating.