openlayer

I did an interview today.  Which was interesting.  I'm not usually one for exposing myself publicly....well....at least not the intimate details of the soul.  Funny thing is?  I didn't even feel exposed until I was asked if I would allow my picture to be taken for the article.

I found myself becoming emotional at times during the interview....surprised by what actually came out of my mouth.

Boy this surgery is going to scrape off a few layers in places that have never seen the light of day.

foreverflowingon

Time is flying by more quickly than I thought it would at this stage of the game.  I'm exhausted though, which is not good.  As usual, I left everything I needed to have organized for my two month hiatus from work,  to late.  Chaos keeps me sane.

lovingmyliver

Apparently my diet rich in fats and carbs, on top of my regular enjoyment of alcohol isn't good for a pre-surgery diet.

So, for the next 2 weeks I'm going to do a high protien low fat diet to give my liver a little lovin'.

It's not easy to say goodbye to my relationship with food.  What makes it harder is all the b.s. that comes with saying goodbye to it.  

I do know though, that it is possible to change, and I am capable of change

whatdoesthissayaboutme

I friggin' LOVE having a good pick now and then.  Come on?  Admit it! So do you!  On the tail end of a nasty cold you always get those boogers that are like some freakin' alien invasion.  They have to GO!  Just because you are enjoying the eviction process.....well...

Wow....I spent way too much time on that. 

gastricsleeve

I'm having the Gastric Sleeve surgery.  It is not a bypass.  This surgery literally removes most of the stomach, leaving a small sleeve.  The good thing about this surgery is that it removes the part of the stomach that produces a hunger hormone.  It also drastically restricts the amount of food you can consume. 

3 more weeks to go.  My current BMI is 44.

chipsspihcchips

I friggin love chips.  How am I gonna say goodbye to chips?  Really.

Iliedinconfession

I did.  In Grade 2, it was the practice in my "all girls catholic school", to receive our first communion.  Those of you who are mics will know what I mean.  We go to dress up in white frilly dresses, wear veils, and walk down the isle....apparently this is where the wedding planning begins....totally propagated by the church I might add. 

In order to get to this magical occasion, each child must remember every sin they ever committed, reiterate it back to a guy in a fancy cloak, so almight God could forgive you. This was the First Confession.  The First Confession must come before the First Communion Whoops!  I forgot about the pennance.  Depending on the severity of those sins, you were given a pennance.  Depending on the Priest doling them out that particular day, it could range from 10 Hail Mary's, to a whole Novena.

Well.  This day came for me.  It was a layer I will never forget.  I was waiting in line with the rest of my class,  Kneeling there in the front pew, in the Chapel inside of the Convent that was attached to our school.  I was so friggin nervous!  I think I had to go pee twice.  How could those nuns do it every day?   Oh My God!  It was my turn.  I go in the make shift confessional, and we had the choice of sitting down in a chair in front of the priest, or kneel to to side in a fancy frilly kneelie thing with a "privacy" window. (like he didn't know who you were by the voice alone)

Oh my God...will I kneel or will I sit?  OMG?  What do I say..."Bless me Father for I have sinned.  This is my First Confession.  My sins are...And with that the biggest load of lies came out of my mouth.  "I wasn't nice to my little brother" (I didn't have a little brother).  I disobeyed my Father, and I disobeyed my Mother (well I'm sure there was a least a smidgen of truth to that one)

THEN!  CRAP!  The Priest said, "How did you disobey them, my Child?"

more lies....

....heart pounding....getting a little lightheaded....

"...ahhhmmm, ahhhmmm...I sauced my Mother back.  I lied to my Father.
.........(pause)........
.....(I guess he was waiting for more?)
"And I didn't do my homework. (pause)  THREE TIMES!"

(another pause)

"That's it", I said.

Well...He said his thing and I said mine.  I got a couple of decades on the beads for pennance, and off I was to the toilet ready to shit my pants.

But I mean really....I lied in my first confession.

Catholic guilt.

radiationandbandaids

I had my Pre-op chest xray and bloodwork today.....hence the radiation and bandaids.  I have to have another anesthetic consult as my last one was 6 months ago, and another pre-op physical from my family physician.

So far I've seen the following specialists and professionals in my 3 year wait for an O.R. date:
A Nutritionist
An Overnight oximetry test
A Respirologist - for a lung capacity test
An Endocrinologist
An Internist
An Anesthesiologist

On top of those professionals, I also see a dermatologist, and a rheumatologist.  The universe blessed me with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis.  Thankfully due to Humira (a biologic medication taken by injection bi-weekly) I am in remission for both. It is a wonder I have time to work, with all those medical appointments.

thebiggestloser

I LOVE the show! Unfortunately, I usually sit down to watch it with snacks....the unhealthy kind.

Well....my surgery day is fast approaching. It seems quite unreal. I stepped on the scale today and apparently I've eaten myself 7 lbs heavier. Since I got my date I've actually been eating more....drinking more....smoking more. But then there is xmas to blame that on too.

I know life is about to change for me drastically. I think before this becomes a reality for me, I need to check out some support groups. I went to one meeting so far....last year. I know, I know, I sound really committed to this weight loss surgery. I think I'm a little scared, and usually when I'm scared I have a tendency to AVOID!

weightlosssurgery2010

The peeling off of me

That's what I'm about to set out to do. Peel off some layers...hopefully on a few different levels.

Sounds interesting I'm sure. I, am about to take a journey through weight loss surgery. I've done my research, I know the risks....and unless the thin fairy sprinkles some skinny dust on my fat ass by next month, I'm going under the knife.

My current weight is 260 pounds....I've been overweight all my life.

I'm about to force a lifestyle change....permenantly. This Blog, will be about my journey through the process.