whoanellie

Ah Christ!  I ate my lunch to fast and I'm paying the price. 

Lunch was 115 mls of mushy carrots with a bit of mushy pork and a couple of mushy noodles.  I chewed it well enough, but I should have taken more time between bites.  Anyway, I'm feeling super full!  The food kind of feels stuck up high.  It's been a half an hour, and although it's easing up a bit, it still hurts. 

I won't be doing that again!

My weight loss has been slow the past couple of days.  However, nothing that has gone "in" has come "out" either.  Dang iron pills!

addiction

No doubt I am a food addict.  I didn't get to be obese eating to live.  I have always lived to eat.  Food has consumed my addictive nature just like cigarettes did.  Yes, I am an ex-smoker.  I sometimes can't believe I actually found the will to quit that habit.  I loved smoking.  I often tell people I loved it so much I make love to every cigarette I ever smoked. 

I started smoking when I was 13.  I stole some butts out of my Mothers ashtray one day, went for a walk, lit up, and tried my darndest to like the things.  I don't think it was peer pressure.  I was just curious.  I knew the hold the cigarettes had on my Mother, and I couldn't understand it.  Maybe I wanted to be cool in front of my friends.  Maybe I wanted to seem older.  I don't really remember the whole reason why.  But I do remember that I didn't put the things down for good for another 20 years.

I quit a couple of times along the way.  A few times for 3 months or less.  Once for a whole 3 years!  But I always went back to them.  Until one day I just got sick of them and decided to quit for good.  I was 33 years old. 

Alot of transition was going on in my life at that point.  I was feeling particularly miserable about everything I was doing, so I changed everything in my life.  I'm not sure where the willpower came to quit, but I did take all the help I could get.  I took Zyban, and the nicotene patch.  I also bought herbal cigarettes from the health food store just to give me the sense I was still physically smoking.  God those things were gross.  It was like smoking incense.  But it all did the trick.  I've been smoke free for nine years.

One thing I realized back then.  I was going to have to treat this like an addiction forever.  I know if I were to just have one puff of a cigarette I could be back smoking a pack and a half within a week.  I don't want that.  So I'm never going to take that first puff.  Yes, I've been tempted.  Sometimes I smell a cigarette burning and remember what it was like to take a big long drag--feel it rip down my throat and into my lungs.  Ahhh the memories.  Ninety-nine percent of the time though, I can't stand it.  I especially can't stand the stale smoke smell in vehicles or on peoples clothes. 

I realize that now I have a fantastic tool to help me conquer this food addiction, but it's not fool proof.  Anyone who has perused the WLS boards online knows what "eating around the surgery" is.  Believe it or not some people can eat a 200gram bag of chips with a stomach or "pouch" the size of  small plum.  It is possible to gain the weight back.  Just like smoking...I don't want to go there.  I am aware that there will be challenges along the way.  I don't have it all figured out, and I probably never will.  But this helps.  Talking about it.  Being out there with 'layers' I peel off.  Whatever is uncovered - - the good, the bad, and the ugly - - I can't stuff back down with food.  It will come back up.

junkofice

OMG I'm COLD!  All the time.  I'm not used to that.  I'm usually the one with the flushed cheeks and sweat on my brow.  I've never needed a sweater!  Now, in the evening especially, I'm cranking up the heat, putting my fleecy jammies on, and a housecoat over that.  My hands are like two junks of ice.  My iron is a little low, and I'm on supplements, but it takes a while to build that up.

Arizona anyone?

takingiteasy

Had a post op visit with my family doctor today.  It all went well.  I finally got the stitches out of my big incision (by big I mean two inches long).  All the other little incisions are 99% healed.  Those sutures dissolved on their own. 

I think my problem at this stage is taking it easy.  I feel pretty darn good, and I think it's making me do more than I should be doing at this point.  I've picked up my 22 month old a couple of times now, and supposedly that's a big no no.  I know I might feel good, but my 'innerds' are still healing.  I have to remember my stomach is being held together by staples! 

It is hard to though, to not pick up a toddler when he's having a hissy fit in the middle of Old Navy

I wonder if I'm going to set off the metal detectors when I fly from now on??? 

littlelayer

My BMI is now under 40!

texturestomascerate

Today, I have move past pureed food to a soft food diet. Oh, the excitement of it all!  Ya think a few tablespoons of cottage cheese and some diced fruit for breakfast wouldn't necessarily have anyone doing the 'happy dance', but here I am gloating about it all.

Remembering to eat slow is very important.  I have to completely mascerate the food in my mouth before swallowing, or 'up she comes'.  It also hurts, and I can't see that as being good at all.  I need at least 20 minutes to eat my tiny meals.

I miss snacking though.  Peej and the kids hat pizza last night and the smell through the house was tantalizing.  I knew I couldn't eat it. 

I also miss chips! 

@ssno@ss

So the unfortunate part of losing weight rapidly is the 'left-overs'.  My 40 + year old UV weathered @ss is going to have to be pulled up over my head at some point..  Not that I'm complaining.  I'll do what ever, when the time comes.  They don't make support hose for nothing. 

tendayspostop

So, I'm ten days post op.  Feeling pretty good too!

Roughly, this is what I can eat in a day

7:30am = 1/2 a soft boiled egg with 1/2 tsp of no fat Miracle Whip - (pureed)
10 am = 1 cup of skim milk with a scoop of protien powder
12 am = 1/4 cup of mashed potato with 30 mls of chicken broth
2 pm = protein water 0 cal , 15 gr protien
5 pm = 1/4 cup of chicken, broccoli, cauliflour and broth in a puree
7 pm = 1/4 cup of applesauce or other fruit puree (no added sugar)

I have to keep hydrated, but I can't drink 15-30 minutes before eating, and 1 hour after. 

Funny, I thought I'd be less focused on food....seems like at this point all I do is think about it...prepare it...experiment with it...freeze it...defrost it...shop for it.

Can't say I don't feel the tug of the Timmies Drive-thru when I go past.  But it would be a waste of a donut.  It wouldn't make it past the first swallow, or up-she'd-come.

thewaitingroom

Most doctors these days have waiting areas that offer their patients some small comforts.  A water fountain, access to a washroom, a variety of reading material, and pamphlets that offer education on stuff pertinent to the doctor practice.

My surgeon has all that (and comfy chairs), but his office visits also have a social component.  Most of the patients at his bariatric clinic have been waiting for years for WLS.  Being a patient on the "pre-op side" of these surgeries is as much of a lifestyle as the one that starts when you're on the "other side."  We chat with each other openly, move around to speak with someone we might know from the online boards, or local support groups.  It's by no mean a bunch of quiet people trying to avoid eye-contact.

Today was a long wait.  My appointment was for 2:15, and I was out by 4:30.  Being just 8 days post-op, I got to show my incisions (yes, I hauled up my shirt and bared my big fat belly to the world), and chat with someone who was just starting the journey.

Apparently the cause of my respiratory distress the other night is a mystery , but most likely due to trapped air (was blown up twice).  The doc said that he was expecting I'd still be feeling like I'd been run over by a Mack Truck.  I'm down to 253 lbs (that's 15lbs in 8 days). 

complicatedcomplications

I'm trying to write amid an "oxy" haze.  Have to say I'm not sure why anyone would get addicted to that stuff.  Although it is good for pain.

Last night the cul-de-sac I live on was lit up light a xmas tree (even though we requested no bells and whistles.  Yesterday I had a low-grade fever and elevated heart-rate.  I had alot of pain on one side below my breast, and I couldn't take a full breath without going in spasms of pain.

I spent the night in the ER attached to multiple electronic technical gadgets, had a couple of CT Scans to rule out a bleed, or clot, and the lab vampire and I developed a comical rapport.

I was discharged this morning with a prescription for painkillers, funky bloodwork results that indicate I could have a bleed or a clot.  But CT results that say I'm okay.  I see my surgeon tomorrow afternoon, so hopefully he can peice together this mystery.

#1 I hate pain
#2 I like to know what is going on
#3 I don't like waiting
#4 I worried.

You never want to think that something you hope will improve and lengthen your life, makes it worse and kills ya.

WTF?

Friggin' hemorrhoids.  Five days without a crap, and I get hemorrhoids.

4dayspostop

Everyday that goes by I'm feeling better, less sore, and I'm tolerating more foods.  Mind you, everything is pureed.  I'm down to my surgery weight of 263.  7 lbs since yesterday.  All fluid.  The swelling has gone down in my hands and arms.  Although I've got a nice bright red hot spot on the arm that had the iv. I'll be pissed if it ends up being cellulitis.

onthemend

Had my surgery on the 8th, then another a few hours later to stop a bleed. (Let no one fool you that this is a minor surgery)  I had to have a blood transfusion, and spend an extra couple of days in hospital, but I'm still glad I did it, and that I'm on the OTHER SIDE.

I will update more when I feel up to it.

theinnerlayer

O H   M Y   G O D !!!!!

To anyone who has had to do a bowel cleanse prior to a proceedure, I feel your pain.  At 10am this morning I took my first dose of Pico Salax.  Not too bad as far as taste goes, and then 4 hours later it was a like a two litre pepsi poured out of my @ss.  Really I have to laugh.  I wasn't quite expecting that.  I thought I'd have a couple of minutes warning - - you know the typical cramp and run to the lou.  NOT so much.  I know this is WAY TO MUCH information, but it's my blog and I've already warned you there would be "ugly."

chasingthenumnumdragon

Oh my god!  I'm a little nervous to say the least.  Today was my last day at work for two months.  I decided that if I'm going to make this life change, I'm going to darn well give myself time to embrace it without the pressures of a demanding job.

So I have 3 more sleeps until surgery day.  Funny enough I've lost about 5 lbs in the past week.  I've spent a couple of months with a good case of "last supper syndrome." (Pretty much that's when you eat like every meal or snack is your last).  My surgeon was a little dissappointed that I've gained 10 lbs since he last saw me last summer.  Funny, all of that I gained since I got my surgery date in November.  Somehow, the reality of it all hit me last week, and I stopped feeling so hungry.

Hunger, now THAT has got a life of its own.  I remember about 10 years ago I started taking a drug called "Meridia".  It was a weight loss drug, but not the familiar stimulant type most people would think of.  Meridia was similar to antidepressants that worked on neurotransmitters in the brain.  I thought I'd give it a try.  Well, what happened was nothing less than a miracle, albeit short-lived.  I remember waking up one morning after being on this drug for a few weeks, and I knew something had changed.  I couldn't quite understand why, but I felt different.  I woke up that morning without "that" feeling.  The layer of me that chased the num num dragon; That feeling of wanting...n e e d i n g  to eat was gone. Over the next 4 months or so I lost 50 pounds.  Food had stopped consuming me.  I realized the num num dragon that was inside my head was gone. 

I thought that this must be what normal people feel like (you know,the people who don't have the weight issues).  The switch was off and I freakin' loved it.  It made me start looking at obesity, my obesity, in a different way.  I knew it was about more that just being fat and lazy.  Somehow, for whatever reason (genetics, trauma, habit), those neurons in my brain didn't work the same way as other peoples did.  Unfortunately, Meridia's magic didn't last for long.  A year after I started taking it I had gained back my 50 pounds.

thehappyanesthesiologist

I had my pre-op consultation today at the hospital.  Boy,  was that anesthesiologist happy.  Made my day.

I also saw the nurse, had an EKG, and had some bloodwork done.  The nurse had to give me the low-down on the bowel prep I must do the day before the surgery.  Yup....it's gonna suck.